well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
