no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
