you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
