i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
