She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
why is half of my head shaved?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
