I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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