If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
