No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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