Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
