I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
they need to just BURY HIM!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
