Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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