Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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