How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
