Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
