There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
