theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
