Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
