If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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