idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
