he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
