I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
