She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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