On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
