I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
