Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
