U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We need to get me chipped asap
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
