whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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