we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
