i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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