it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize