is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
