walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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