Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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