My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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