I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
