Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
