If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
