Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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