did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
