Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
