Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
