Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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