Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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