Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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