HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
