So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i've created a new STD.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
