Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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