I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
