oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
