so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
