You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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