Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
