So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
