I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
