I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
