but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
