I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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