I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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