hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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