Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
