I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The Olympian is in my bed
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
