shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
