Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
