You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
