stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
