That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
