Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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