i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
