even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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