i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
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there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
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I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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