I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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