i jhust puked up my retainher.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
