hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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