well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
