Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
